Today’s word is tenebrific. This word is gloomy. Synonyms of it are “depressing”, “dismal” etc. Wow, this is NOT what I expected! (I guess I was thinking “terrific”.) I spend much of my time trying to avoid this feeling, but as I was reading this morning, sometimes we just need to give in to this gloomy feeling; it can be cathartic.
Every morning I read my e-mail from Suzanne Beecher as I subscribe to an online bookclub at DearReader.com. Suzanne is a very upbeat person; one of my heroes! Coincidently, this morning, she discussed something very similar. She wrote about how we all feel we need to pretend to feel “terrific” every day but that some days that just isn’t going to happen. http://dearreader.typepad.com/dear/ I feel she gave me permission to just “BE”.
Some days, I just need to accept that my Ataxia “sucks” and that’s OK. I don’t like it and I don’t need to “sugar-coat” that fact. Yes, I’ll continue to do what I can and keep a positive attitude but that doesn’t mean that I can’t give myself permission to just be “bummed” sometimes. As Suzanne says, I don’t need to “fix” this feeling. I don’t need to pretend to be “happy” all the time. I’m NOT happy about having Ataxia. But sometimes I just feel the need to find SOMETHING to be happy about. I just need to remember that sometimes the rain lets up and in the meantime, I’ll just user the “windshield wipers”.