I Need to Hold On (Sometimes just a Little Bit)

IMG_1173With the new year just around the corner, I got to thinking about how we need to hold on, at least a little bit, to the past.  (Well, at least I do.) Even though I may look forward to new experiences, I still cling to the “old standby-s”.  I need to hold onto that optimism that what happened in the past can and will happen again.  Unfortunately, sometimes this will not hold true in all cases when dealing with my Ataxia, which is progressive.  However, my philosophy is to expect the best and then just go with what I get. (One reason I can go sky-diving is because I know  the ground will still be there as it has been in the past and I know my instructor has done this several times already.)  Just knowing the constants seems to help the situation.

Similarly, my Ataxia is always on a threshold of something new, but I like to rely on what has occurred in my past.  A little optimism is critical.  Even though I know that there is the possibility that I could lose any semblance of control in my hands, I still recently bought a new coloring book.

Sometimes just knowing that the wall is there, is enough for me to gain my balance.  I don’t need to hold on a lot but sometimes just a touch is enough.  For instance, I can easily close my eyes when showering in my little shower.  I KNOW the walls are right there.  Even my grab bar is easily within reach.  But if I’m in a tub/shower where the area is much larger, closing my eyes could be disastrous.

I’ve heard others with Ataxia also agree with this notion of just needing to hold on a little in order to feel secure.  Sometimes a light touch is all that is needed.  Just KNOWING that wall is there… It’s that little piece of the “past” that we need to keep us grounded.   We also need that little dose of optimism that believes in the fact that a part of our past experiences will occur again; something to hold on to (just a little bit).


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